First, I would like to give you my new phone number: 815-345-7852. Please call for any orders of my crochet goods! Custom orders encouraged!!
As you know I have been telling you my story. I have only gotten to the part where my daughter was born. That was 21 years ago. I started telling my story because I wanted to give you background on why it was such an amazing thing when I discovered crochet. You see, I struggle with a mental health diagnosis. As I look back, I started having depression when I was about 9 years old. I have talked with my Dad about it and he shared that there were problems between my Mom and him during that time. I was unaware of this because my parents did not include the children in adult discussions.
When I was in High School, I struggled with very low self esteem. I was not accepted by the “popular” people. I found a niche though in “the Music Hall”. This included kids who were in band, choir, chorale, orchestra and drama. We were known for our amazing productions. The staff were responsible for teaching all of us to maximize our potential. The amazing productions were the result. I dropped out of swim team mainly because of the girls who tormented me. I had not continued band into high school because I was terrible! I loved to sing and became quite good at it. So good that I continued with Vocal Performance at Illinois State University after I graduated from High School.
This is where things turned for the worse. I had graduated at 17 years old and really was not mature enough to handle college life but I did not know that then. The Vocal Performance major was so strenuous that I compare it to the “pre-med weed out”. This is where kids who are in the pre-medical program at college are thrown into a heavy course load with lots of very challenging classes. This is so the “weaker” students will fail out or choose another major early on. I feel that they were doing the same thing to kids who wanted to perform for a living. I felt really terrible about myself and even though I wasn’t a great scholar in High School (I never studied), I was failing miserably. I did not know how to study. I didn’t even want to study.
I became very depressed, even though I didn’t know at that time what is was called. As I explained in “My Story Part 1”, I tried to kill myself by cutting my wrists. I ended up in the hospital, in Normal Illinois! (Ha, ha, ha). That led me to be transferred to Chicago after 6 months to a longer term hospital. I was diagnosed at that time with Atypical Depression, with Panic Attacks. That is a misdiagnosis. I wasn’t even diagnosed correctly until 2008 when a psychiatrist in Rochester, NY diagnosed me with Bipolar Type II. Now they took that diagnosis out of the DSM -V (5). I do not have the same symptoms as Bipolar Type I so to lump I and II together under the same diagnosis is ridiculous. It ids like lumping all children under the same heading instead of dividing them up into boys and girls. (I am not even going to get into a discussion about transgender at this point). The point is that this has been a very long road for me. I am doing the best that I ever have been. Crochet has helped me so much.
I have joined the movement #End The Stigma because no one would know if I didn’t tell them that I have been labeled with a mental health diagnosis. May is Mental Health Awareness month.
I will pick up with more of my story in chronological order in subsequent posts. Tomorrows post is going to be about my trip to see my daughter and pictures!! May the Lord bless you all richly. XOXO