I just want to let all of you know that my Lily remake is finished! It was nice to be able to crochet a bit since my back pain has lessened some.

Although, I tried to work on my order and got only 1 round done before my back started to spasm. My poor customer. I have kept her in the loop by email.

I used to live in the apartment above mine before I moved to Kentucky (briefly!) and shared it with my best friend. Sharing was not very healthy for either one of us because we would just trigger each other. We were never both depressed at the same time. But since I moved back, she has been more ill than well. She was doing great the last couple of months but her symptoms crept up on her again. So, I am missing my pal because she has had to go back into the hospital. We study the Bible pretty much every morning together. I do regardless, but she doesn’t sleep well at night and has to get some sleep sometime! We take turns reading out loud through “The One Year Bible”. Each day has a piece of the (so called) “Old Testament”, “New Testament”, “Psalms” and “Proverbs”. I love having the Bible broken down into daily readings. When I go through it I read through both of the “Testaments” once and “Psalms” and “Proverbs” twice. Reading it out loud helps to put it into you two ways: through the eyes and through the ears. We then discuss it. I am going it alone and it’s not as much fun.

I have been doing well for a while. The winter is the hardest for me. Shortened days, dark and cold. It can get pretty brutal here in Northern Illinois! But the humidity and heat in Western Kentucky in the summer was way too much for me. I mean, you can only take off so many clothes! If you are naked (in your own home!)😱 and still sweltering (with the air conditioner on!) then you have no where else to turn except into the shower or bath! But, if you are freezing , you can put on a lot of clothes and then get under blankets! Since I moved back, November 1, 2016, (with tons of my Dad’s help) I have been hospitalized only 1 for 3 days. Middle of winter; no sunshine for weeks; depression. I also get “somatic ” complaints. Basically you are physically sick and/or in pain not because you are making it up, but because the depression is coming out of your body. So, that’s when I need a little help and some rest.

Any way I hope you like Lilyanna Lamb the remade Lily! 

Blessings to you until our paths cross at this website again! ♥️

First is keeping my promise to you all that I am going to chronicle more of my feelings, anxieties and achievements including getting my nursing license renewed after an almost 5 year period where my nursing license was just not renewed. I found out yesterday with the help of a case worker with Thresholds  (a psycho-social rehabilitation agency: focusing on supporting clients in the community) That I needed 20 CEUs (continuing education units) and $250 completed and sent all before May 31. Nothing like a “little” pressure of a deadline (does it kill you because you had to rush? DEAD-line?) to kick in my perfectionistic coping techniques. I was able to pray and ask God to help me release the death grip I have on controlling everything by being “perfect”. I got straight “A’s” cumulative through prerequisites and nursing school while trying to parent 2 “high functioning ” autistic children ages 2 and 5 years old. What? Was I nuts?

That is another story all together.

I finished all 20 CEUs in the last say, 28 hours! And yes, I slept! Also a family member who would not like to be identified for privacy sake, is going to help me pay the fee!

I am going to be Tanya Merkel, RN again very soon (truthfully I never stopped). 

CabinCrochetCreationsHi everyone! I didn’t fall of the edge of the world 🌎 (ah I support your right to choose!) I need to ask your forgiveness. (Yes, I have repented).

I promised I would tell you my story of a Christian Bipolar Mind (I don’t think I used those words because I didn’t even tell you I was a Christian!) sigh I thought I should not associate the BRAND with the only perfect Passover Lamb! How PRIDEFUL! Don’t know if you have ever known anyone like that. 

I also promised you my crochet journey and I barely gave you the highlights. I am going to show you how I cope with  “mental blessings” both through crochet and my walk with Yeshua. (That would be Jesus my evangelical and Catholic friends). How this results in staying clean and sober. My road back into Nursing (which was in turn a pride issue. Perfect scores in college results in a perfect nurses don’t you know.

So, I hope I can give you more details.(The Holy Spirt is doing a work in me. Convincing me that He will remind me to write to you. Please pray that I can!( Only a perfectionist who becomes paralyzed and then does nothing!) . If you know anyone like that share the blog! Or follow me yourself!