My Story as Written for Hope4theWarrior

I started writing my story when I first started this blog in order to explain why crochet and knitting is SO important to me. The bottom line is that it is a great coping skill for my severe anxiety, panic attacks and deep dark clinical depression. I couldn’t have done it without Jesus. I call Him Yeshua because that is what people called Him when He walked the earth in His “skin suit”. http://www.hope4thewarrior.com or on Instagram: @hope4thewarrior asked me to tell my story/ write out my testimony. I decided to publish what I have written so far, here for you!! But first a picture of my latest creations! These are my 100% cotton knitted washcloths and crocheted flower face scrubbies. If you are interested in either set, DM me on Instagram @cabin.crochet.creations

I have been asked by @hope4thewarrior to tell you about myself. I am a 50 year old, mother of 2 (almost a grandmother). I am a RN (registered nurse) who has been on a 6 year hiatus. I am a yarn artist. And I have a mental health diagnosis. Now back in 1984, things were a lot different than now. That is when I graduated high school. June 1, 1984 I was 17 years old. The arrogant (scared), manipulative (lying), calculating dreamer had been inside me forever but I really never acted on the fantasy. Something happened when I was 14 and was a rock to my life of walking on eggshells. I didn’t know that I would be walking on those proverbial eggshells for 30 more years.

In June of 1984  my mom married my step-dad. At the time, I was very loyal to my father whom my mother divorced when I was 15. She filed for divorce when I was 14. That year between when it was filed and when it was finalized was a very turbulent year. AND I had hit puberty. I was rebellious with a capital “R”. I wasn’t rebelling for rebellions sake though. My heart hurt so badly. To see my mom and my dad whom I loved; both hurting each other, was tremendously hard to understand. Then 2 years later, my mom is marrying someone who is NOT my father. (I had no idea about the adults lives that didn’t have to do with me or my sister). Then in August, I went away to ISU (Illinois State University) in Normal.

Part 2:

Now the story is going to get pretty hairy so I want you to know that the only thing that saved my blessed assurance, was : Praying Grandparents! My mom’s father was a minister of the gospel before you had to go to seminary. When I was in my teens, Grandma and Grandpa were missionaries to Haiti in the Free Methodist Church.

My other grandparents, my Dad’s parents, were super special because I was able to see them more often because they lived in Iowa. But they were originally in southern Minnesota. Yes, I am a proud Norwegian! My Grandma was up with the birds. She loved to read her Bible and pray in her garden with the birds. There is a reason she lived so long because Jesus knew I was going to need a lot of prayer. In the summer and Christmas break I sang with her at her piano. I was a vocal performance major in 1984 at ISU and she was super happy. I sang a solo at her church the summer before I started college. Because of my parents divorce, I had to fly with my little sister to a small airport in the town where they lived but we had to fly in on a 10 seat commuter plane.

Can I tell you about my Dad? My Dad is the middle son of my Norwegein Grandpa and my German Grandmother. When I grew up, my Dad taught at College of DuPage. Biology and Botany. I had a microscope when I was 4 years old. Gives you a little clue as to why I became a nurse. But I am getting ahead of myself. When I was in 5th grade we moved from Wheaton to Iowa City, Iowa because he needed to take the course work for his Ph. D. the hardest part is writing the book, they call a “Dissertation”. He got it in Science Education. After the year of course work we moved to St. Charles, IL where I went to 6th grade through 12th. And where my parents divorced.

Ok, now we are back to 1984. Curious, the book 1984 by George Orwell was about some strange times. So, I was a vocal performance major in the fall of 1984. I went to Illinois State University (where later my Dad was a Science Education Professor!). Everything fits together. It is a strange tapestry that God weaves of our life. Even if we are struggling, if someone is praying for you you will make it out. I have to tell you that 1984 was a very traumatic year for me. My heart hurt because of my parents divorce, my promiscuity, drinking and partying was the only way I could treat the pain. I had been in Youth for Christ and was “saved” (I prayed the little prayer=saved) And it didn’t miraculously “change” me. So, I did what I could but at ISU, the classes were hard, and I was doing some partying. I lived in Watterson Towers and it was a crazy system where the elevator stopped on the middle floor of a set of 5 floors that were named, houses. They were all of the Presidents names. So I lived on the 3 rd floor of the house (can’t remember it’s name!!) when I got on or off the elevator, I still had to walk down a floor to get on the elevator. I felt like a mouse in a trap. There were 2 towers with these sets of floors and the 4 elevators were for BOTH of the towers. I had panic attacks about school, about being safe, what if there was a fire? One November day I just couldn’t take it anymore!!! Everything hurt. My heart, my skin, my muscles, my soul and probably my spirit, too. I cut on my wrists, trying to kill myself. I spent 6 months in the psychiatric floor of the local hospital in Normal, IL. I am not kidding you! I went nuts in Normal, IL!!

Normal is actually the term for a college that teaches teachers from the 1800’s. My Dad got a Ph. D. in teaching teachers how to teach science.

 

More to follow…

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My Story as Written for Hope4theWarrior