My Sabbath 

I promise transparency so, frequent updates you will get! 

I celebrate Sabbath on Friday sundown to sundown on Saturday. This is the way it was designed. I will follow. I will not lead. ( Judges 17:6 KJVS [6] “In those days there was no king in Israel, but every man did that which was right in his own eyes” repetition in Hebrew is putting emphasis on it because they didn’t have punctuation or emojis! So here it is again: Judges 21:25 KJVS  [25] In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes.) You see, when I do what is right in my own eyes I fall into perfectionism which is pride in disguise.

I have been in pain since Wednesday when I decided that I was going to lug a window air conditioner from the basement storage area up to my apartment on the second floor. [Someday I will tell you about my gorgeous apartment in this very old quirky building! (That will be an entire blog post of its own!)]   I did something to my back. Probably an understatement. I can’t stand upright for more than a few minutes. I have to stand bent over. Same with sitting. I have borrowed a heating pad from my neighbor/best friend and am laying on it. I can’t crochet while laying down!! I can’t really do anything except read and study stuff. It felt a little better earlier and super woman here moved bins and bags and boxes from the spare room. I am now paying for that. When I do what is right in my own eyes I get hurt.

Maybe I will remember that next time…

…meanwhile I would appreciate a heart felt prayer for my healing. ūüôŹūüŹĽ Thank you!

This is the air conditioner and my reading materials. I did a close up of the book so you can see the title and author.

Please pray for my healing. 

Updates on my crochet and my struggles to come sooner rather than later!

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

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My Sabbath 

A Wonderful Opportunity!

I apologize for not updating everyone for so long! Since I moved back to Woodstock I got a job working in an awesome store on the Woodstock Square very close to my new home. I am an independent contractor working as the store’s creative consultant. In short I vignette the shelves and am given a shelving unit for my crochet creations. An since it is almost Christmas and Hanukkah, I have been busier than a one-armed-paper-hanger!

Next, are a couple of the shelves I vignetted.

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A Christmas stocking that I made for my daughter. (I misplaced the web-site I got the pattern from. SORRY! If you are the designer please e-mail me!!)

AND my “Timothy Turkey” (pattern by Rachel at Crochet Spot). The traditional turkey I made in 2015 for Thanksgiving. The camo-turkey I made this year for my daughter! (because she loves “hunter’s camo”)

Well, that’s all for now! If you would like to order anything on this blog that I have made, fill out a contact form and i will be in touch! Since the holidays are fast approaching, I won’t be able to complete a custom order and ship in time for the end of year holidays.

A Wonderful Opportunity!

Why I Crochet and Dolls, dolls, dolls!

I am proud to announce my new online store is up and running at http://cabincrochet.shophandmade.com ! Not all of my creations are up for purchase yet but they will be soon! This is very much like Etsy used to be. Etsy has changed to not all handmade or vintage items. They also charge for each item you list and each picture you post. That is not all, they also claim a percentage of what you sell. These are all small charges but added together it is more than I can afford at this point. Please, if you see an item here, on my blog, that you would like to buy, check on http:// cabincrochet.shophandmade.com and if it is not there, send me an e-mail at Tanya@cabincrochetcreations.com and I will add it or I will make you your very own, custom with the colors you prefer.

I will, eventually, add more to “My Story”. I have been attending to some family matters. It is almost 100% certain that I will be moving to Kentucky July 1. That is less than a month away and I have a lot to do! Although I want to try and explain why crochet is so important to me. I have struggled with depression for a very long time. A long time is, most of my life. I was misdiagnosed in the 1980’s during a time when the professionals felt it was in my best interest to be in-patient in a psychiatric ward for 2 1/2 years. (more here: https://cabincrochetcreations.com/2016/04/09/my-story and here: https://cabincrochetcreations.com/2016/04/11/my-story-part-2/) I was only diagnosed correctly in 2007. With this terrible illness, and it IS an illness not a moral failing, addiction to substances is common, as is suicidal tendencies or ideation. Most of the people who I thought, for most of my life, loved me, turned their backs on me and hurt me deeply. All because of symptoms of bipolar.

When I taught myself to crochet it was just to pass the time. Right from the start I loved it. I was so excited when people gave me donations of yarn. I didn’t have a computer so I had to copy all of the patterns that I was interested in¬†down on paper. People started complementing me on my work. I thought, “No big deal anyone can do this”. When folks started asking to buy the things I made, it slowly dawned on me that no, not everyone can crochet. Fewer people still, have time to crochet a¬†hankie let alone a doll.¬†This helped how I thought about myself. People were calling and placing orders. A friend from high school called and wanted me to crochet something I never had done before. I did it and it turned out beautifully. That was the “Pony Inspired by Twilight Sparkle”. She was extremely pleased with it. Through all of this 3 of my family members have re-entered my life. I have grown much closer to God. The feedback I get from craft fairs, about my work is uplifting.

So you see, crochet has literally saved my life. I consider it my healing art. I have come to understand that I may have been diagnosed bipolar, but I, as an identity, am NOT bipolar. I am not addiction.

On that note, I would like to share with you my newest dolls!

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6″ Boy Doll w/brown hair/blue eyes
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Back view of boy doll
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Side view of boy doll
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Gardener Girl Doll w/ blue eyes/brown hair
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Side view of gardener girl
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Back of gardener girl
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Gardener girl without hat on
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Gardener girl side view without hat on
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Top of the hat
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Angel girl with attitude
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Side view of angel girl
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Back view, open wings of angel girl
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Native American Girl Doll
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Close up of Native American Girl Doll
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Native American Girl Sitting
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Black Girl in Red Dress
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Side view of black girl doll
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Group picture
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Angel girl says “don’t forget me!”
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The whole gang

1)¬† Boy doll pattern is from http://www.AmigurumiBB.com under “Free Patterns”

2) Gardener girl is a free Ravelry download as “Yun Shu by Crochetwawa”

3) Angel girl is from http://www.AmigurumiBB.com under “Free Patterns”

4) Native American doll is my embellishment of “Yun Shu by Crochetwawa”

5) Black doll is my embellishment of “Yun Shu by Crochetwawa”

6) The whole gang picture has 2 dolls not mentioned above. That is “Samantha” from the pattern from http://www.AmigurumiBB.com under “Free Patterns” under “Waldorf Inspired Doll” (not the baby) and the blond haired girl in the blue dress is from the pattern “Fairy Doll” on www. AmigurumiBB.com although I did not make her a “Fairy”.

I can also make you a doll that looks like a picture of a daughter, niece, sister or granddaughter. ( I am not very good at making the boy dolls yet!) If you find a pattern of a doll you would like made I will do my best, like the “Twilight Sparkle inspired Pony”.¬†Call me at 815-345-7852 or email me at Tanya@cabincrochetcreations.com! May you all be blessed!

Why I Crochet and Dolls, dolls, dolls!

Visiting My Daughter

My Dad and I went to Paducah, Kentucky to visit my daughter May 16 through May 19, 2016. She has just turned 21 at the end of March. Oh, I was so blessed to see her! ¬†There is some family stuff that I am not at liberty to share at this point. When I continue my story this piece will be revealed at that time. Just suffice it to say that we hadn’t seen each other for¬†over 5 years. She cried and I cried as she hugged on¬†my neck. My Dad was so funny. Every time we started crying her always cracked a joke¬†so that the emotional tension would be¬†relieved.

We accomplished a lot while we were there but there is more that needs to be done. She doesn’t have a car so getting to other parts of the city are hard to get to because you have to use the expressway to get, for instance to the downtown area. I guess there is a bus system but my daughter doesn’t use it. Since she doesn’t have a car, we did errands for her. We took her to a laundromat to do her laundry. It is a challenge to get to a grocery store so we took her grocery shopping. My Dad even bought her a lovely set of curtains for her front window. My Dad is 79 years old and climbed up on a chair¬†to put up the curtains! He is such a blessing.

There wasn’t any room for both of us to spend the night. Dad went to a local motel and I slept on the couch. Daughter and I had a wonderful time enjoying our evening that we had together. I even made her a little lamb amigurumi animal. Unfortunately I didn’t take any pictures of it.

If you would like to contact me to create a custom doll or animal for you or a loved one, e-mail me at Tanya@cabincrochetcreations.com or call at 815-345-7852. This is the doll that I made for my daughter’s birthday. She also has on the “deer” hat I made her. The color of the dolls hair is exactly the color¬†hers was before she colored her hair! May you be blessed!DSC02381

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Visiting My Daughter

Continuing My Story

The last post, I was telling how it came to be that my son was born. After I had him, Husband got a lot more controlling in some ways. We couldn’t go to the park until we drove around it for quite a while and Husband decided it was ok for Son to go and play, with us near by, of course. There was a lot of other things like that. Clean¬†laundry had to be put on the bottom of the pile under the other ones in the drawer or closet so that the towels or what have you, would wear evenly. First in, first out for everything. Husband had been severely abused as a child. His father would beat him and his brothers for no apparent reason. Many days there was no food in the ‘fridge but there was always a bottle for dad. I did not grow up in a home like that. I was so focused on doing everything right so he didn’t yell and scream at me and so that Son would be taken care of, all his needs met, I didn’t realize that I was being abused.

I worked really hard at losing the weight I had gained being pregnant. I gained a whopping 75 pounds and Baby was only 8 pounds 8 ounces so I had quite a bit to lose. I nursed Baby for one year. I had him fully weaned by 13 months. (Another requirement of Husband). I lost about 25 pounds right after I weaned him. I lost another 45 pounds over the next year and a half. Then I became pregnant again.

Continuing My Story

And Baby Makes Three

I am deeply grateful for those of you who are standing by and watching me unfold my life before you. Today is my birthday and I felt it important to chronicle the events that led me to seek healing.


…A short while later, I had to go back into the hospital. This was because I had to come off of the psychiatric medication I was on. It was unknown in 1991¬†if that medication would hurt my baby or not. The daddy and I found an apartment of our own in the same building as his brothers. This was on the “wrong side of the tracks” from where I was raised. WIC, bus tokens and a low income health clinic were the hallmarks of my life at this time. Nine months plus 7 days later, I was delivered of a bouncing baby boy.¬†When he was born, he had to stay in the hospital under¬†the lights because his bilirubin wouldn’t go down. After we went home I was contacted by his doctor who said tests showed he had a problem with his thyroid. Had to take Baby to the Big City to University Hospital when he was barely 6 weeks old. After pumping him full of radioactive iodine it was revealed that he did not have a functioning thyroid gland. What this meant was that he would have to take medicine for the rest of his life.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† The function of the thyroid gland is to take iodine, found in many foods, and convert it into thyroid hormones: thyroxine (T4) and triiodothyronine (T3). T3 and T4 are then released into the blood stream and are transported throughout the body where they control metabolism (conversion of oxygen and calories to energy). And in babies, growth and brain development. (Reference: www.endocrineweb.com/…/how-your-thyroid-works¬†; bold addition by me)

¬†Now the real fun started!¬†How in the world do you get a tiny baby to swallow a pill because, of course, it doesn’t come in a liquid? Literally, this is life and death! I was nursing so I¬† couldn’t just¬†put it in his bottle. So, creative problem solver that I am, I¬†crushed the pill¬†in between two spoons.¬†Next, I expressed a small amount of breast milk into the spoon and mixed. I drew it up in an eyedropper and practically squirted it directly down his throat! As he grew and after¬†he was weaned I had to get even more creative!¬†Baby-Daddy and I were married in a small family only ceremony in the church Mom went to on holidays. Our “honeymoon” was a night in a hotel away from Baby.

Husband worked a menial job because he had never graduated from high school and a GED was out of his reach. I also picked up part-time work wherever I could find it to make ends meet.¬†Fortunately Husband’s boss helped us get a car so long bus rides were a thing of the past. Amazingly, I did not have to go back on psychiatric meds after I had Baby. I am not sure if pregnancy and nursing straightened out the chemical imbalance or if I was so busy taking care of my little person that¬†I didn’t have the luxury¬†of being able to¬†fall apart! During this period both Husband and I smoked “pot”. We never smoked it around Baby and I did not smoke it while I was nursing or when I was pregnant. We smoked in the bathroom with the exhaust fan on or in the basement with a window open. This was¬† self-medication for my bipolar depression. It must have worked too because I didn’t have to be hospitalized again for many years.

I want to interject here that Husband didn’t have any parents that were still living. He grew up with an extremely abusive father so, he never had an adequate role model.¬† Looking back, the first time he lost control of his anger, he punched a wall because I didn’t complete the list of tasks he had indicated for that day. This is when I was pregnant and having morning sickness. Things progressed to him waking me up at 3 or 4 in the morning to scream at me for a couple of hours. He would explode into a tirade for ridiculous reasons. He would threaten me with his hands but didn’t use them on me…at least not yet. Several hours or a day later, he would apologize and say that he didn’t know what came over him. That it wouldn’t happen again. The first few times I believed him, but after that I knew it would happen again. Most days it was okay but just when I was thinking things were going to be alright, the Rage Monster would attack.

Eventually I am going to tie this all in to crochet. So, just be patient as I bring into the light all of the machinations the Enemy used to try and destroy me. Thank you for reading.

To be continued…¬†

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And Baby Makes Three